Hell week on Earth School. Every thing that I attempted blew up this week. STRESS! There was chaos EVERYWHERE. One explosion would happen. I’d fall back to regroup only to have another mess. It was unbelievable. My home computer crashed. It was a black screen filled with ! ! ! ! ! and some unintelligible words then went totally black. The computer doc couldn’t find anything wrong. The work computer was also on the fritz. My personal and business cells phones died
Being the wife of the recently freed up husband is quite a journey. Job loss sucks, if you will. I did this 2 years ago and I don’t really care to do this again. I am feeling as life is very out of control and very stressed. Oh, the uncertainty. I am noticing my mood swinging more than it usually does. One day I am happy and the next I am in doom and gloom.
We can make up all kinds of stories based on
Last week I was giving emotional support to one of my hospice patients. The wife gave handed me a book by Marianne Williamson. I just opened the book. This is what it said:
“If you bring forth what is within you,
What you bring forth will save you.
If you do not bring forth what is within you,
What you do not bring forth will destroy you.
As attributed to Jesus Christ
The Gospel of Thomas
Well that rather blew me away. I think that I will keep this as my theme. Sometimes I have held back in life. The dreams I have for me, have been on hold for a long time. This week I will work on my Dream (Vision) Board. I realize that my family is in a pickle. But this might be the vinegar that gets me off my arse. I do like dill pickles.
An interesting suprise happened today. My son found a Course in Miracles group that started this afternoon. So we went. He will have to do this long distance. We have a small group of 5 that will meet by conference call or skype and the big group will meet every other Sunday. I have been through part of the lessons and text. I stopped during the last job loss. Maybe now it is time to get back on track.
Yesterday, my son and I canned tomatoes. One bushel yielded 21 quarts plus a few for eating. I have canned by myself but it is more fun and easier to do this project with others. To make this even more fun, we recorded it. I hope to have it up on U Tube by tomorrow night.
I did make a pot of sauce. It is amazing to watch a pot FULL of tomatoes, cook down to a 1/3 of a pot. My son would like to learn how to make egg plant parmigiana. Soprano’s is an Italian grocery in a town about an hour from here. When I am sent there to see patients, I bring my cooler. They have the best homemade pasta. I think that I will bring them out tomorrow night too.
It is late and I am tired.
This has been a very interesting several days on the emotional roll-a-coaster. Wednesday I played hospice nurse. It was a great day. I felt a great deal of Joy. My heart felt as if the sun was shinning in the center. I had this little song, if you will.
I was thinking about a time in my life (a very loooooong time) that was very dark. I was so unhappy, and everything was a struggle. It occurred to me that I never had any Joy. Then it occurred to me that I could ask for Joy. So I did. And I started to feel Joy. My outer circumstances didn’t change right away. But I was feeling Joy more and more. Eventually, my outer circumstances did change. I find it curious, to experience 2 emotions at the same time. An example would be to feel angry at someone and also love. Growing up, I would have never put those two in the same sentence. I used to think that “anger” and “hate” might go in the same sentence. I don’t feel that any more. Wednesday was a Joy day. To boot, I was finished work on time!
Thursday, I was deep in despair. The enormity of this situation is overwhelming. It is very easy to slip into fear and catastrophic thinking. Oh, the stories you can build. Oh the stories I am building. Hmmm. The thing is, if I continue that practice, I will bring it upon myself, by the Law of Attraction. I did call a friend and had my “pity party”. Then she reminded me of who I am and why I am here. In the evening, my son and I did a Thoth Tarot reading. It was right on. I can achieve success based on how I handle my self through this current, temporary turbulence in my life. Duh! Of course! The one choice I have is attitude. The situation is what it is. I didn’t directly create it, but apparently I have some learning to do. One day at a time and with the help of my family/friends, I will do that and create a new life.
Today, Friday, was better. I need to complete the forms for recertifying as a Healing Touch Certified Practitioner and Instructor. I have a couple of snags to work out. Healing Touch classes have been difficult to get going for me over the last 2 years. There was a variety of reasons for that, including the chaos in my own life (relocating, new job etc.). This week I have scheduled 4 Healing Touch Level 1 classes for the fall and spring! Yippee. Now I doubly have to get that paper work together.
My son and husband worked to complete some big yard projects. My son learned how to roto-route down spout drainage sites and to cut pavers. The new paver pads look very nice. Now we need rain to set the sand and check out the down spout drainage. It may rain tomorrow. It rains a lot here. Tomorrow I will teach my son how to can tomatoes. We will also start a BIG pot of sauce. Hopefully, some of that will be for canning.
Well, today went well for me at work. I am a hospice nurse. Fitting. I assist patients and families through the process of dying. Now I can assist myself as this part of my life dies. Cosmic humor, I guess. That being said, I also look at myself as a midwife. The incoming soul waits with their angels and guides. Meanwhile the midwife and nurse monitor the Mother/baby. They prepare for the birth and do all the things that are needed in the process of birth. The other end of life is similar in a way. I monitor and assist my patient, and walk the path with them and their family physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually. When the blessed event comes to pass, they are birthed into the next life where the angels, guides and family meet them. Now it is time that I midwife my dreams into reality.
One of the things I am doing for work is heading a committee to do a Vision or Dream Board. This is an effort to help our unit run smoother with everybody feeling satisfied and happy with their contribution. I would like hospice to be the premiere unit for our hospital system. I have done Vision Boards for myself. I think that my husband and I need to do one together. Did you ever know that people teach what they need to learn the most. 🙂
My husband is diligently contacting his network, upgrading the resume, doing web searches for position postings, following up on calls etc. It is really different. Do you remember typing the cover letter and resume on premium paper? So much is done online. Just amazing.
I can’t believe this is happening. You think that it happens to someone else, out there. Never in my wildest dreams! But it is happening to us/me, John and Jane Q Public. We have worked hard our whole lives and raised and educated two fine young men. We have helped countless people along the way. Here we are, a few years short of retirement and basically S.O.L. Somehow I/we are going to need to go deep within to find our answers.
Getting laid off really turns your world upside down. This is very difficult when it is you that gets the boot. However, it is also very unsettling when your spouse gets laid off. Previously I wrote about some of my experiences in the last 4 months. Living in the question mark is quite an experience. Truth be known, we are always living in the question mark. It is a lie to think that my security lies out there, someplace, with the job, the husband whatever. My security and my freedom are within me. If I can remember that and seek to find and cultivate my own inner freedom and security, I will always have them. If I choose to look outside myself, then the best I can get is security and it will be provisional.
During this time, I have had the opportunity to learn many things. One biggy was to “not worry”. Worrying and fretting only serves to raise the blood pressure, set you up for heart attack or stroke or cancer or accidents or something else. I didn’t really want any of those aforementioned outcomes. So I choose not to worry. Does that mean I never worried or was anxious? No, of course not. However, when I would slip into that state, I would catch myself and start thinking other thoughts. I would put some great music on. Or I would listen to “The Secret” or Young Living Oil educational CD. It worked.
My husband was very clever. He is very good at making, maintaining relationships. That is why he is so good at his job, fundraising. He wrote up an email newsletter, letting all his family, friends and acquaintance know what had happened and asked their help. Help came in the form of leads, prayers, good wishes, phone calls, lunch etc. It paid off. Through his diligence, contacts, and hard work, he found, was offered and accepted a position in upstate NY. We left NY 20 years ago. I never thought that I would get back there. Ya never know about these things.
Now we have the task of packing, selling the house, finding temporary (I hope it is really temporary) housing, buying a house, moving and making a life for our self in a new town. It will be new friends, new jobs, new routine, new almost everything. That is OK. It gives me time to do a lot of de-cluttering…. getting rid of what I don’t need any more.
My husband found a great job. Eureka! For that I am happy. Now it is time for me to explore the new opportunities opening for me.