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Job loss day 29

Hell week on Earth School. Every thing that I attempted blew up this week. STRESS! There was chaos EVERYWHERE. One explosion would happen. I’d fall back to regroup only to have another mess. It was unbelievable. My home computer crashed. It was a black screen filled with ! ! ! ! ! and some unintelligible words then went totally black. The computer doc couldn’t find anything wrong. The work computer was also on the fritz. My personal and business cells phones died  almost simultaneously. Couldn’t get work done in regular time. Lots of extra time this week, which I didn’t need. 🙁  Very frustrating week.

I was noticing that I was very irritable this week. The smallest things “made me angry”. As if any situation has control of our emotions. I was pondering this situation. It occurred to me that I may have some free floating anger that was latching on to anything it could find. And there were plenty of opportunities for that with all the chaos that was happening this week. I got curious about what thing was the real focus of my anger. I didn’t figure that out yet. I am aware that there is a lot of fodder for anger in my emotional life at this time. If I keep open and asking with questions, it will come to me. The interesting thing, as I pondered all of these questions, the anger lessened considerably. 

I have no idea what is going to happen now that my husband and principle bread winner is unemployed. Sometimes I feel very out of control, not that we ever really have control. There could be a great deal of denial too. Denial… De Nile, a great river that runs through all of us. What is in the pipe line for us is already is process. There is probably not much I can do to change it. However, my attitude and choices I make, will make a difference in the end. Resistance is futile. This is the time to go with the flow. I was not in the “flow” this week. I did the best  icould. I hope that I was a beneficial presence to all.

I am off to Harrisburg to teach energy work. I hope that it is a good weekend. I am going to meet up with some friends and my youngest. Mom has to check out the apartment and bring cookies.

One day at a time. I am very tired. off to bed.

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