Some interesting things have happened since my last blog note about my husband getting laid off. It is really an interesting thing to watch one self go through this situation. Some of my experiences included fog, confusion, irritability, shame, fear to name a few. It was pretty rocky for a couple of weeks. So how to you get through the inital shock of (you or) your spouse getting fired or laid off?
There is a technique call “The Witness, Asker and Experiencer” that is great for helping you through all kinds of life events and happenings. Most of us are experts at the “Experiencer” part. We go through one experience after another. If we are in therapy, we have the opportunity to analyze some of this stuff. But how do we learn from these experiences and grow. How do we find our way out of the far country after a shock. We need something else besides the experience. The other two parts of this are the “Witness” and “Asker”. Imagine an experience that you have gone through or are going through. Now imagine that there is a camera up in the corner of the “room” in which you are having the experience. It is recording the experience, frame by frame. There is no judgement, it is just experience. Imagine watching the experience through the lens of no judgement.
Here is an example. I walk into the kitchen at lunch time during the week. My husband is sitting at the table working a crossword puzzle. He often stops home to have lunch, no big deal. I say “Hi” and have some idle chit chat. He says that he had a meeting with the boss and he is no longer employed. The world starts to get foggy. I ask “what happened?” My head is swurling, I can’t think. Can’t breathe either. My heart sinks. He tells me why. It feels like it is rainning bricks as I begin to assimulate what this means. My world is falling apart. Now I have to go back to work and be the competent nurse that I am. Yeah, right. Well, I used my wittness to help me. I know from my personal work, that the “fog” is about fear, existential fear. This goes way back to childhood abuse. When you are foggy, you don’t think well and can make horrible choices. When I am foggy, I am not grounded. This is old stuff. Because I use my “witness” I have choice. If I didn’t have the “witness” I would be in reaction. What kind of reactions could I have? We could have been in a big fight. I could have called off from work. I could have been in an accident do to not paying attention. I could make a mistake that could harm a patient or cost the company lots of money.
This is where the “Asker” comes in to play. It is the curious “asker”. It is the part of me that get very curious about the situation that I am currently experiencing. It asks the questions that give me choice. It might say “Wow, what a drama!” This is a place where I can separate myself from the situation a little bit. It makes it more neutral. “Oh, I see the fog coming in, what is this about?” “Look at the husband who is feeling badly about a situation over which he had no control.” “How do you want to handle this?” “Do you think you are scared?” “Do you think you need to be careful this afternoon?” “What do you need to do to take care of yourself?” This situation could be the perfect excuse for going into a long depression, which I didn’t care to experience.
Some of my self care activities include the following. I started using Rescue Remedy (Bach Flower Remedy) in my water. It helps to protect you from a shock. It helps to stablize and balance the emotional system. I started taking St. John’s Wort to also stablize my mood. I have a ground meditation that I do. I used this to help me through the processing and intergrating all the abuse. In it, I create a sacred space for me to live, move and have my being. I can get lax in doing this meditation. I started it in full on a daily basis. It can take me about 20 minutes to do it fully. Also I am using essential oils. I put them on my body in a particular order and have a breath pattern I use to intergrate them through my aura or energy field. They are Valor (grounding) on the wrists. Harmony goes on the solar plexus. Joy is on the heart and White Angelica (protection) on my neck/head and feet. Good nutrition and sleep. It is the basics but it works. I have a few close friends who helped me process the intracacies of all of this. It took a couple of weeks to get through the thick of it all.
I know that I need to keep a level head and possitive attitude to help my husband and I get through this process. My husband has had a very good attitude. He started up a newsletter again. He has been through this before. New boss, new management team. He includes what happened, related jokes, his plan for finding new employement, and he asked the help of the folks he sent it too. My husband does a great job of networking. He keeps regular contact with people he new 30 years ago. In fact, he will be interviewing with the first lead he received from a friend from the 80’s. And we both live in different states from 20+ years ago. It comes in handy at a time like this. He has an outplacement firm that is helping him, howevery he is generating most of his own leads. He goes on to his professional web sites and responds to job postings. They all want the resume to be submitted on line. This has been an experience. I have had to help him cut and paste some of the resumes and the newsletter. I know a move is in store. I wasn’t what I had planned or hoped for. However, “it is what is.” I can make it miserable by and angry, depressed attitude or I can make the best of it. I choose the latter. Do I do this well all the time? Of course not. I have my moments. When I do. I bring in my “witness, asker and experiencer” to help me through the maze.
I use some ten minute mood lifters to help me. Music is great. I can sing a couple of songs and put myself in a new space. I take voice lessons, so I practice my vocial leases. I like pieces from Phantom or Messiah. I am working on a one woman show, so I work on those pieces. I flip through the radio stations to find music that fits my mood. It can be upliving. It can make me cry… Sometimes it is good to cry it out.
How about doing puzzels! Puzzels are great for several reasons. One, they create space between you and the difficult situation. Often our minds come up with the greatest answers when we are doing something else. I like sudoku. It challenges my mind to boot. As we get older we need these thing to keep us sharp.
If you want more information about Energy Healing click here. http://healthworksenergyhealing.com/ Take care of your self and see you next time. Mary Pat